New Job

I have come to realize in my new role I really do the work of 3 full time jobs...here's a brief glimpse of them

Technical Director

Student Ministries Director

Webmaster

IT Support

Programming "support"


That's a glimpse....Somewhere in there I'm supposed to have a social life....

Rejected Childresn Book TItles-These Never Get Old

Rejected Children's Book Titles:

1. Strangers Have the Best Candy

2. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

3. Some Kittens Can Fly!

4. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

5. The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book
of Wild Animals of North Amer-- Hey! Let's Go Ride Our
Bikes!

6. The Kid's Guide to Hitchhiking

7. You Are Different and That's Bad

8. Dad's New Wife Larry

9. POP! Goes the Hamster...and Other Great Microwave
Games

10. Curious George and the High Voltage Fence

11. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

12. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

13. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead

14. How to Become the Dominant Military Power in Your
Elementary School

15. Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear

16. What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?

17. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be
Friends?

18. Bi-Curious George

19. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

20. Grandpa Went to Hell

Where is God?

Brennan likes this one...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=ENp7c6TtBHk

A Guide to Proper Etiquette in the Men's Restroom

Ever since man crawled out of the primordial ooze, he has built himself structures to contain the processes of bodily waste removal. These have been known as "restrooms," "bathrooms," "outhouses," "commodes," "men's rooms," and several other names. As with any exclusive organization, wholly half the human race aren't allowed through the door, and a number of exceedingly complicated customs have arisen to maintain a sense of order and dignity.

General rules:

1. Don't talk to somebody you don't know. You may chat quietly with an acquaintance, but must absolutely not call attention to yourself.
2. A quick glance in the mirror is permissible, but absolutely don't spend a significant time arranging hair, clothing, etc. Zit popping is only permissible after checking to see nobody else is around.
3. No profanity of any kind. This is reserved for locker rooms, only.
4. If you must wait, form a single-file line, ragged, and be sure to keep looking around. Read graffiti.

   Graffiti rules:

5. All graffiti is anonymous. If there's any chance somebody can trace your graffiti back to you, don't do it.
6. Writing graffiti in the open section of the bathroom is only acceptable if nobody can see you. Writing in the stalls is similarly acceptable.
7. If the bathroom is sufficiently public, feel free to insult different ethnic/racial/sexual groups. If the bathroom is used by a small few, restrain comments to amusing anecdotes or chit-chat about secretaries. If visiting dignitaries from other companies or the government may tend to use the bathroom, graffiti is forbidden.
8. Traditionally, all pictures feature women in various states of undress. Modern standards often include portions of male anatomy, discretely placed. Homosexual graffiti is generally frowned upon but is gaining popularity.
9. Pictures must only be drawn in toilet stalls.
10. Any sufficiently interesting graffiti will be painted over by the management of the bathroom.

    Urinal rules:

11. Given a string of unoccupied urinals, you must choose one on the outside. When one outside urinal is occupied, use the other side, then middle. Avoid standing directly next to somebody at all costs.
    For example, given seven urinals, here are acceptable configurations:

      X......  (X == occupied, . == empty)
     X.....X
     X..X..X
     X.X.X.X
     XXX.X.X <--- These are only acceptable when significant
     XXX.XXX <--- "privacy" dividers are available. If the
     XXXXXXX <--- urinals aren't divided, use a toilet.
    

12. Always look at the wall. Looking down means you're obsessed or don't know what you're doing. Looking at other people is threatening.
13. Flushing is optional. Over time, the water will become a rich orange. At this point, flushing is mandatory.
14. Don't start unzipping until you're protected by the privacy of the urinal. Don't step back until you've thoroughly shaken off and closed your pants again.

    Toilet rules:

15. Reduce noise at all costs. Grunting is not acceptable.
16. Always flush.
17. When you find an unflushed toilet, leave it alone and use another.

    Special cases:

18. Some university dormitories have co-ed bathrooms. New rules apply for dealing with the females.
    • Never, ever, comment on how they look in the morning.
    • Don't ask what the little wastebasket is for.
    • If urinals are present, only use them when absolutely no females are around. If you are noticed by a female, try your best to ignore her presence until you're dressed again.
19. Port-O-Let's and similar constructions are evil. Use them only if absolutely no other option is available.
20. In the woods, far from civilization, restrooms typically aren't available. Get behind sufficient growth that you are completely invisible to the remainder of your party, before you begin. Check carefully that you aren't near any sort of animal or insect den. Ants are especially bad. If you forgot toilet paper, bring a leaf identifying guide. Poison oak makes a poor substitute.

All to common occurance...

The Joys of the city

In the past few days I've had two experiences that truly only come with living in the city

First, On my way to a show friday night, the red line caught fire...We were still underground and the whole tunnel was full of smoke. The funny part was the difference between the tourist and the locals. As soon as the doors opened the tourists bolted for the stairs. The rest of us stayed on the train for a minute, then stepped off to get a better look...haha

Second, on my way to class day I got bushwhacked by a fiendish puddle... I was stepping off the curb into what looked like a pile of snow. Well as soon as my foot hit I broke right through the snow into a puddle about 8" deep. Needless to say my shoes, socks, and feet were very cold and wet the rest of the day.

Now I'm of to enjoy my 4 day weekend!

Pressing Issue

Everyone needs to go out and buy the new Norah Jones CD...don't itunes it...don't do that to yourself....go buy the actual cd and revel in it's sonic goodness